Emerging

Saturday was the kind of perfect day that happens only after a long harsh winter in both the environmental and emotional sense. I leave Saturday behind feeling more like myself than I have in the last month. The dregs of winter flotsam are going away from my mind and my yard. The feeling that I am just a pooh stick being tossed into a river is abating, I am regaining solidity.

I awoke after a full nights sleep and did my ninth day in a row of yoga in the morning. This time with four new songs on the mix that were perfect for flow vinyasa. I went longer than I had over the week, both because of the total lack of time constraint and the cold was gone enough to finally breathe well. After, I am in that slippery blissed out place and patter around eating, drinking and getting the deck back into summer lounge mode. I put away the snow shovels, dispatch the things that winter wear ruined, pull out the cushions and I lay in the sun. I start to rake here and there, uncovering the herb garden, stacking the last bit of wood from the tree that fell in the yard in March. Not wanting to start off the season striped, I walk to the store to see find someone to apply sunscreen to my back. I have guests for a while and feed them lemonade. I turn the loveseat with its back to the road making complete privacy from dog walkers, bikers, and driver and sunbathe until I am sweaty. The sun on my skin is delicious. I feel like I am burning off the chaff of pain I have been wearing, molting mottled darkness and back to a shining self.

There are sweaters to dye blue making me go down in to the cool cave atmosphere of the basement to stir and then emerge again to the bright of day. I change my facebook status a record number of times as everything feels perfect and announcement worthy. In the afternoon when it is far to hot to yard putter Theresa comes over with the intention of taking the canoe out. Too much effort, so we romp down to fiske pond. There is a family I know about ready to leave and then the place is ours alone. The water is a glimmering invitation. Although I know, since it is April 19, that it is inviting me to scream as I try to get then likely whimp out. Then I think why not, ditch the clothes and go in up to my knees. Oh yeah it is cold but doesn’t quite hurt and the sun on my chest is too hot. I go in up to my waist and think ok that is enough but am overtaken with a desire to feel deeply, even the painful cold of the water and I go in. Then I hoot and try to get out but it takes me far to long and I am calling “Oh oh oh it hurts it hurts” to Theresa who declares that she is not sure she will go in since I am declaring the pain of it. I lay on the grass and watch as she perfects throwing an arc of water to get the perfect cold splash on her body. The sun glitters the droplets that dazzle brightly against the shadows of the forest on the other side. Theresa is smiling, glorious and stunningly beautiful.

Later there is a ride to Walpole NH to dance to Rumblestrip. I don a breezy dress, put mint in my water bottle and feel divine. On the ride up we chatter about people we adore dancing with for various reasons. My favorites are those who can safely spin me into a transcendence that I am no longer in my head, Diba’s are those who tie in to a sexy connection. Right now Jan’s favorite is anyone who can sway in once place at a pace proper for her casted leg. The music was lovely. I got to dance with Ralph who is a shameless flirt. So I followed suit in the shamelessness, when he told me I look beautiful, I told him it was all because I went skinny dipping. Then I enjoyed watching that sink in to his octogenarian brain. At one point the band brought out a steel drum, three times they were singing. The music was enveloping, I had delicious dances and got nicely sweaty. I ended the night in a waltz and being sung to which added a layer of sweetness to it all and a fine top off to the day.

Sunday arrived with the same delicious weather and I headed to Bhava class. With big delusions, I thought that practicing every day would make it so this class wouldn’t kick my ass. Wrong. I am rubbery the whole rest of the day and tired. But there are three poses I have never tried and the attempt was fun. Baddha Trivikramasana was tough on the balance and keeping the bind with sweaty hands. It wasn’t as hard as it appeared once I realized I could use the pressure of the bind to hold the balance. Then a revolved pigeon which was so comfortable I could sleep in it. The end poses of this class somehow bring all my emotion to the surface and I am crying for corpse pose – sort of silently but with a big lump in my throat. Other than not wanted to wreck everyone relaxation in felt good, a release. So after there is napping in the sun games, BBQing and more games. I am still glowing from the sun Saturday, feel like I am twisting out remaining nightmares on Sunday and still have today off to enjoy.

One Response to “Emerging”

  1. Jan Says:

    …might I suggest nude canoeing?

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