P o c k e t CT

Yesterday I did a sort of audition class to end yoga teacher training. I was nervous at the beginning so my voice was shaking and it took all the fun out of it. That chilled out after a bit and I had a really good time for the last two thirds. I had a dream a few days ago that I was doing this class and I was helping someone in a pose and concentrating on them, when I looked up again everyone was having a feast and had given up on me. Thankfully, this did not happen Sunday.

At the end I had some good feedback and should be able to include the suggestions in my next class and a good thing since I am subbing on Thursday.

So I’m all done this formal part of teacher training and I’m off to the next part which is on my own and consisting of: teaching, going to a lot of different classes, and writing a bunch of classes that will contain the full spectrum of poses that I am aware of. Wheee time to celebrate and the best way for you to do that is come to a class of mine. If you are far you can just try it out on your own or if it is meaningless to you take my word it is fun.

Here is the class I taught Sunday in my shorthand
Uttanasana - 3 moon - padagusthanana
3 B - padagusthanana (each leg balance) with yogi toe lock
2 C - 2 more adding rev crescent flow from rev. crescent/ext side angle (3-5ish) hold ext side angle
Padahastasana
Straight arm shoulder opener
Prasarita Padonttanasana - open to light samokasana
Ext side angle with bind - bound triangle – Bird of paradise or baddha ardha chandrasana
Utkatasana -twist - parvrtta Parsvokonasana
purvotanasana
Navasana - talasana 2x
Prasarita pasottansana - crow
A2K with twist (left on top first) - out to side - to front and fold (pay attention to if you can put upper arm on top foot)
Hummingbird (if arm is comfortably to knee in twist) or side crow
Parvritta janu sirasana - janu sirasana
Side plank (with toe hold if you skip the next one)
parvrtti traing muhka ekapada pachimottanasana
Side Plank with toe hold
Prasarita padottanasana - samokasana - Upavista Konasana (twist - fold)
Sleeping Vishnu
Shala/danu/arms up wall
Handstand - forearm stand
Ninja - hanuman
Bridge/wheel
Jathara Parivartanasana
Superhero fold on wall if there is time or pachimotanasana
Shoulder stand - plow - Karnapdasana
Fish
sivasana

A few months ago Christopher and I were walking behind amethyst brook in Amherst and came along a sand pit with a dirt bike zooming around. The rider appeared to be trying to make as much noise as possible from the thing as well as zipping by at high speed right over where I was standing moments ago. Had I not scurried completely off the path I would have been mud splashed. What is the point of these things, to waste fuel? to make noise? to make me crazy with the sound of it? Somehow moments before this we were chatting about an improv everywhere prank. I don’t remember which, it could have been the Best Game Ever or the Subway Twins Thing. I was thinking that although I love the ideas that they come up with they really short change rural environments, always in cities. I think between those two things happening Christopher got the idea to stage a protest in my town for something that would be personally horrible - a ATV and dirt bike speedway. We had schemes of actors chained to bulldozers, press coverage, an ATV parade. April first came up fast and we did the part of the plans that could be down with a wee budget and little time.

On Tuesday night, after yoga teacher training, Adam and I zipped around town staple gunning 100 posters to phone poles. The first couple up were great fun, shutting off the headlights, trying not to laugh too loud. The 5th - 100th kinda lost it’s charm but we were finished in about an hour. Last thing was to include the big rally poster on the library and store. Well the library only had glass for posters and that seemed like a bad mix with a staple gun so the store got two of them.

The next day I didn’t hear anything about it. Adam went to the store in the morning and saw someone come in and ask “what’s this thing about the speedway?” and Donna promptly said “Christine Texiera, April Fool.” That was sort of a let down so I called Donna as soon as I got to cell range and told her I was at the Vermont border and that I stayed with Christopher the night before. Perfect alibi, bootie in Vermont. Then I didn’t hear anything more - much to my disappointment.

On Thursday though Theresa and I went to the pub where I tried to use my alibi even in the face of being spotted by Lorraine putting the posters up at the store. Rebekah made be swear not to cop to it so I kept on with things like “Oh I wish I had done it,” “I’ll take the credit for it,” and “Who else could have done it.” The last one was a fun discussion that had options like my neighbor Jess or another woman who writes the beer reviews for the pub. I suggested Robert Heller if it were all text but for the pictures it would have been plausible. Patti said she was going to email the town list and have a vote for whodunnit. I laughed all the way home.

Last night was Naked Ladies and Donna would be there. She said, “Isn’t it awful what they are planning for the common we should have a protest” and for a moment I was excited to the rejuvenation of the bulldozer idea. I tried to deny it, but Donna tricked me by saying “Lorraine saw you and your boyfriend laughing and putting the posters up at the store” before I realized what was out of my mouth I said “not my boyfriend” which is as good as saying “oh yeah it was me alright.” Ok well I am just not that good of a liar.

It was a good April Fools. Adam had a fabulous prank about Monsanto making pine trees that are capable of maple sap and Christopher wrote a press release that the Guiding Star Grange sold its naming rights to Real Pickles, naturally fermented. Improv Everywhere totally sucked me in with the post for Best Funeral Ever; which I showed my boss in disgust and couldn’t even watch the video I was so appalled.

You can click to embiggen the poster if you want to!

I went to Target this week and there are two doors to go in, one that automatically opens and one you have to pull. For both personal health and environmental friendliness I think people should use the pull one unless they can’t for some reason (wiggling screaming kid in had, disability, horrible contagious boils on your hand and that stuff.) But I swung way away from the auto door to the hand open one and it.still.opened. Grrr Bad design!

I went to Dick’s Sporting goods to buy long johns this winter. I was slow in the check out and forgot to get my baggu* bag to the clerk before she dropped the thermals in a plastic bag. “Oh I don’t need a bag” and I handed it back to her. She then threw the brand new plastic bag in the trash because it was sullied by the five second contact with my new duofold. I didn’t believe her when she said she was not able to use it again. Grrrr She was just trying to make me crazy; she was hired to do just that.

I went to Michael’s to get more gel medium and accidentally got the opaque variety. I wanted to exchange it for the transparent but they wanted to charge me a 25% restocking fee. No amount of “Then I will put it back” or “you’ve got to be kidding me” could budge the manager who annoying said “I’m sorry” over and over again. Really forty apologies and I had to say please don’t apologize anymore. He claimed that they can’t so anything about it and apologized again. Grrrr you can’t rip me off for nothing!

I burned some spinach the other night and in my rush to get it off the stove I misjudged the steel lip of the sink and I put it on the counter causing a 3rd degree burn of my counter. There is a bubble and everything. The directions to fix it sound complicated, won’t make it look that much better and use harsh chemicals and glues. Grrrrrrrrrr *kicking myself*

I tried to sign up in the teacher rotation for Mostly Yoga and was told something like we had a try out and have teachers that people *like*. The person tried to be nice about it but it still was like - there is no room for you. What.ever. grrrrr I was going to donate the contributions but grrrr.

I went to craft night at the pub and was informed by a local middle school teacher that they have discovered recently that the clitoris has legs. Well not legs that can make it walk around but leg like appendages that surround the vaginal walls. This explains a lot. So I jumped in the shower with Christopher yesterday (see what conservationist I am?) and was telling him about this how can this be a recent discovery? Christopher started to theorize that medicine is a male dominated field and that researchers focus on mans health. But I interrupt, “male dominated??? Shouldn’t a male dominated field have a fixation on the mysteries of woman’s pleasure? Really how can this be?”

Today I find that recent is really 1981 and that MRI technology updated the knowledge of the bifurcation with new imaging in 2005.

There is a lot wrong with the world.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

*Baggu is the best nylon shopping bag ever. It scrunches to nothing and can hold 50 lbs rocks without the least wear.

We are in the coat room at the grange after a wonderful full dance. The coats, boots, bags and winter accessories take up more volume than usual. This is because of the popularity of the dance as well as the size of New England Winter gear. Christopher is sitting on the floor changing shoes. I spot Diba’s winter boots.

“Hey Let’s put a cute note in Diane’s shoes”

“Do we know which are hers?”

“Yes, the impossibly small for an adult, orange boots”

I look for paper and find an purple flier for a bygone dance. As Christopher finishes up with his shoes he gets a mischievous grin.

“Look at all these shoes Christine, all sorts of these lovely people to leave notes for”

I smile - oh yes, lots of people that may need notes, lots and lots of shoes.

I then rip the paper into business card sized snippets and start to write. “I adore you beautiful girl” “your presence here makes me happy” “the world is better because of your smile” I give Christopher my notes and he chooses which footwear deserve which of the notes. Then I pass the paper to him and put my shoes on. He writes and I stuff. I have no idea whose boots I am putting them into, I choose by what kind of shoe it is and match it to the text.

I am uncertain if anyone found these. Perhaps they put the shoe on without noticing and walked on the sentiment until it was a pulpy half disintegrated mess. I think about those people walking on the notes, absorbing the positive thought that went into them like a spell.

So now Valentine’s day is approaching; a holiday I loathe for so many reasons. This changes depending on whether or not I am romantically involved at the time. If not I feel left out, feel the hole in my life and remember heartbreaks. If I am, I feel pressure to swallow societies idea of romance. I don’t like roses, recycle cards at a rapid pace and am not sure about hearts. Why is that shape romantic? Why not a circle, which I much prefer, or a spiral? I want to say to whoever I am with- oh forget that stuff, but can’t put my finger on what I do want out of the holiday - which sometimes, is something. So I don’t like roses, they die too fast and feel wasteful are too impractical for me but I like hand picked weeds which aren’t exactly abundant in the Northeast in February. Sexy underwear? It is like four degrees out. I think long johns are sexy and that doesn’t exactly match what the world is pumping out in their advertising schemes. Chocolate? Well yes, but that I like all the time and now it seems like every day. One would have to hang with strings artistically from to my bedroom ceiling to make me go wooo. I don’t like prepackaged sentiment or kitsch. I like solid, real, active regard, respect, kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration but not especially on February 14th. I’m pretty sure I like that all the time. But when you get that all the time what do you want on a romantically themed holiday?

I also feel the left out part of everyone in my life who is unattached. It feels unfair, like when the restaurant brings your food first and no one else has any yet. You can offer to share some but it isn’t the same. It is far better when the eggs benedict come at the same time as the omelette. So this is the first with Christopher and do I tell him I hate it? Especially when he told Adam that the Flurry falls on “Valentine’s weekend” with a smile in his voice. Maybe he likes it and I don’t wanna be a buzz kill for fun. The other day Christopher and I are talking about our volunteer shifts for the Flurry. He lights up, “you know we are in a position of power with all the volunteers coming in. We get to give them packets of stuff. Let’s make valentines and give them out to friends.”
“like elementary school?”

Then I am picturing artist trading card style collage snippets for all the people I like best.

I took me the day to realize just how awesome the idea is for me. No longer am I frowning about the day, now I am sort of excited. So what if I don’t really like heart shapes. I will think of it like the book “The Dot” and make all different kinds of them. I can make them out of circles, triangles and square. I can really have fun with this now, and I so appreciate that.

The other night as I was bringing in the compost I noticed the line of icicles cascading from my gutters. They looked sparkly in the moonlight and it gave me the idea to change my voicemail to say that I was having an icicle contest and email your photos to me. The next day I mentioned the icicles in my facebook status and someone mentioned they were having a contest as well. One thing turned to another and now I am really having a contest. I already have a few submissions.

Do you want to join?

Entry is free. Must release rights for me to publish the photos here. I will be the sole capricious judge of the icicles. There will be different categories of winners that I will decide once I see what is there (see capricious). Prizes will be picked based on who wins and where they are. No snow shovels for Floridians ya know.

To enter email me a photo or a link to a photo of the icicle. I will also take icicle stories in email or as comments here.

Deadline 2/16/09